


Autocorrect

by NZFandomPrincess96



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)
Genre: Modern Day, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-16
Updated: 2019-06-15
Packaged: 2020-03-06 03:22:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18842614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NZFandomPrincess96/pseuds/NZFandomPrincess96
Summary: Not even Queen can escape the modern-day curse of "Autocorrect." Now taking requests for any other text ideas.





	1. Chapter 1

Queen's Autocorrect

 

Not even the members of Queen can escape the bizarre curse that we call "Autocorrect."

 

It was no secret to any of them that Roger was fed up about not getting his own way with their newest album "A Night At The Opera." For reasons only known to him, he'd decided to write a song. That wasn't the odd thing though. The oddest part about it was the nature and lyrics of said song. He had called it "I'm In Love With My Car," and everyone else had taken the piss out of him for it.

Earlier, Brian had looked at the lyrics, and asked "Just what are you doing to that car, Roger?"

"IT"S A METAPHOR, BRIAN!" He'd yelled back. Well, two can play at his game. If they wouldn't let him put that song on the B-Side of "Bohemian Rhapsody," then he'd lock himself in a cupboard until they did.

Whipping out his Samsung S 10, he sent Freddie a text, without bothering to check it first.

Thus it was, in the middle of mixing, Freddie received the strangest and oddest text anybody had ever sent him.

**Received at 12:40 pm**

**Freddie, I'm going to lick myself in a cupboard until you let me put "I'm In Love With My Car," on the B-Side of Bohemian Rape Sod Off. - Roger**

Freddie stared in utter disbelief, wondering what the hell the drummer meant, before sending back: **What the duck, darling?**

Instantly, Roger's text came back. **Why the fuck are you talking about ducks. Are you 'quackers' or something?**

Freddie looked at the text, and his brow furrowed, before high laughter came from downstairs. Roger had been looking at his first text, and realised what a balls-up he'd made there. Still chuckling to himself, he sent: **Obviously, I'm not going to LICK myself in a cupboard. That's just gross. I meant LOCK. And apparently, my phone doesn't like the word R.H.AP.S.O.D.Y. We might loose a few fans if we called our song "Bohemian Rape Sod Off," LOL.** He sent a face palming emoji, followed by a couple of laughing ones with tears coming from the eyes.

When Freddie received that, he brayed with laughter. **Hahahaha. Autocorrect hates you, dear. But seriously, Rog. Your song is about fucking a car.**

Roger ground his teeth together, and then got up from the sofa, and went to find a large enough cupboard to lock himself in. The others didn't see him for the rest of the afternoon.

Finally, after some serious discussion, Freddie texted the drummer. **Stop being silly, Rog. We'll put your daft song on the B-Side.**

**AN: Silly, I know. But boy, was it hilarious to write. Leave a review :)**

 


	2. Pretzels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the success of "Bohemian Rhapsody," Roger finds himself bored one night, and takes Kashmira out for a drink and pretzels. However, autocorrect really loves to mess with Roger and Freddie.

The Trouble With Autocorrect- Chapter 2

 

 

 

It had been a few months since the "Bohemian Rape Sod Off" incident, as the Queen boys had come to call it with equal amounts of laughing and shuddering. Nevertheless, Roger was happy that "I'm In Love With My Car" had made the B-Side and the album. He still got a chuckle over it whenever he'd hear one of their songs playing on the radio. Despite Ray Foster's insistence that "Bohemian Rhapsody" would never be a song that people would head bang to in their car, he'd read a few accounts in the paper of people tweaking their necks, Kashmira (Freddie's sister) included, by doing just that.

Roger smiled to himself as he thought about her. She was exceptionally pretty, and she clearly loved Queen, because every time one of their songs played, her eyes would light up, and she'd groove. Smiling again, he picked up his phone, opened up the message folder, and texted her: **What are you doing later? ;)**

She sent back: **Homework, and why the winking emoji?**

**Reminds me of the time I first met you. Anyway, I was thinking. The others are all doing their own thing tonight, so how about you and I go out as friends?**

**Sure. We could go to that really nice German bar. They're having an Oktober Fest, and we both love pretzels.**

Roger happily agreed to this, and like the good guy that he is, picked Kash up, and took her out.

High and fast German music greeted them as they headed in together, smiling and talking about all sorts of stuff.

"This is more fun than homework, that's for sure," Kash grinned happily as Roger spun her round to the music. They'd never call this a date, either. In Queen, Freddie and Roger have an unspoken rule between them that they are never to date the other's sister. Clare was never Freddie's type anyway, but Freddie didn't really want Kash ending up with a broken heart.

"Indeed, Kash. Now, can I get you some pretzels?"

"Yes, please. And a glass of lemonade. I don't like alcohol much," she said, and carried on dancing.

Roger smiled at her, and went over to the bar to buy them both big bags of pretzels, and a drink. No sooner had he done this, than his phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out, stood to one side of the bar, and answered. It was a text from Freddie: **What are you doing, Rog?**

He smiled, typed out he was getting Kash pretzels, and sent the text without bothering to look. If "Bohemian Rape Sod Off" was bad, then this was the mother of all messes.

Freddie was, understandably shocked to receive a text that read: **I'm getting Kash pregnant.** He let out a gasp of shock and disgust, and sent back: **The bloody hell, mate?** Followed by a very shocked emoji.

Meanwhile, Roger and Kash were laughing and talking about all sorts of things, when Roger's phone buzzed again. His brow furrowed, and he sent back a question mark.

"Your brother seems to be angry with me for some reason. All I said was that I was getting you pretzels. What could be so bad about that, I wonder?" He mused aloud.

"Maybe he doesn't like us going out for a drink and snacks?" She suggested, and he shrugged, just as his phone buzzed again.

 **Get away from her, Roger Meddows Taylor!** was the text that greeted him.

 **But we're having a great time. Kash loves getting pretzels.** He texted back, not seeing the mistake autocorrect had given him.

 **Roger! I'm seriously going to kick you out if you don't leave her alone! I'm really quite furious with you.** And he certainly was. Without realising that autocorrect was messing with him and Roger, he blocked Roger's number.

"I don't..." Roger trailed off as he received the message. "I don't think we should do this anymore. Your brother has seriously threatened to kick me out."

Kash held out her hand, and said, "Let me look."

He handed it to her, and after a moment, she burst out laughing. "No wonder he's pissed off. Autocorrect has changed the word "pretzels" to "pregnant." He thinks you're fucking me," she chortled.

Roger's eyes widened in surprise. "My God. That's really awful. I'll send a picture of our pretzels and explain."

So saying, he took a photo of a smiling Kash holding up a bag of pretzels, and then sent it with the tagline: **I meant pretzels. I'd never do that to you or Kash, Fred.**

*****************************************

The next morning, Freddie texted Brian and John.

**Emergency meeting. We need a new drummer, as Roger is no longer with us.**

Brian's response was: **Don't do anything rash.**

John's response was: **What the hell has happened?**

Freddie ignored them both, and instead sent another text, telling them where to meet him. For once, he was on time.

"Fred, what do you mean "Roger is no longer with us?" If he's done something really bad, then discuss it with us," said John. Miami, who overheard this, sent Roger a text. Whatever the drummer had done, surely he'd be able to back himself up.

Some ten minutes later, he arrived.

Just as Freddie was explaining what Roger had done, said man burst in.

"Hey guys."

Freddie glared at him in disgust. "My sister is completely off limits to your libido, Roger!" He snapped, and to his outrage, Roger sniggered.

"Just what do you find so amusing about this?" Asked Brian.

Laughing, Roger shook his head. "I'm sorry, I really am. But I can promise you that my libido stayed a long way from your sister. I wasn't getting her pregnant, I was getting her pretzels. We were both bored last night, and ate pretzels together at that German bar." He rolled his eyes, and said, "Damn You AutoCorrect."

Once they all understood, Freddie took Roger and the others out for a drink, very relieved to not have to replace his top-notch drummer, or become an uncle just yet.

 

**AN: Hope this one was as enjoyable as the first.**

 


	3. An Odd Dinner Suggestion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AN: In the third instalment of "Autocorrect with Queen," Chrissie is doing one of her weird food things, this time, gluten free, and Roger, once again, has problems with his phone. #Rogerneedsanewphone

 

 

 

It was just another ordinary afternoon in the Taylor household, and Roger was lost in thought about dinner. Brian and his girlfriend, Chrissie, were coming that evening, and he wasn't too sure what to make. Chrissie was doing a gluten free month, so he had to come up with something nice. He hunted through the cupboards, and then saw a potential idea.

  
Whipping out his phone, he sent Brian the following message: **Hey, Brimi.  So dinner tonight. I know Chrissie is on another weird food thing. Is placenta gluten free?**

 

Brian was thoroughly bewildered, but sent back: **Umm I guess so, Rog. Dare I ask why?**

 

Roger rolled his cerulean eyes. There'd only be one reason why he ask.

  
**Well obviously I was going to make it for dinner.**

  
Brian shuddered slightly at that, but he was curious, as well.

  
**OK, drummer boy. Well never let it be said I'm not open to new things. Not quite the same as making a guitar from scratch, and a little bit out there, but I suppose there's a time for everything.**

 

Roger was bemused to say the least.

 

**Haven't you tried it before, Brimi?**

 

Brian just sat there, shaking his head.

  
**With my hand on my heart, Roger, Scouts Honour, and complete honesty, I most definitely have not. It's not really something you can sort of pop off to the shops to get.**

 

He'd just taken a mouthful of coffee when Roger's response came back.

  
**Huh, I just got it from Tesco.**

  
Astounded, Brian spat out his coffee. Fortunately, none had landed on his phone.

  
**They've certainly branched out a bit, then.**

 

_What is he on about?_ Roger wondered, but sent another text, anyway.

  
**Its been a round for a while, Brian. I think it comes from the Middle East. Sort of a grainy thing.**

 

_How is placenta 'grainy?'_ Brian thought, before deciding that eating an organ that nourishes and maintains a foetus was a bit too much

  
**Local stuff not good enough huh? Grainy...good to know. Actually, Roger, in all honesty I think I might pass. It's just a little too out there you know, and I think even Chrissie might have a problem with it.**

  
Roger was really confused.

  
**You are being very odd, Brian**

  
_No, you're the one who is being odd. Unless, you mean something else,_ he thought.

  
**Read your first text, and clarify.**

  
Roger went back through his phone, and facepalmed when he realised that, once again, autocorrect had made his life hell.

  
**Ah**

  
Brian chuckled.

  
**New phone time?**

  
Roger's response came back almost immediately.

  
**Yes, right after I cook the polenta.**

  
**AN: Hehe. Poor Roger. Based on a conversation my mum and I had about our own dinner tonight. Huge thanks to my mum for helping me with this. Now then: Do you guys and girls think this one is funnier than the first one? Let me know :) And yes, polenta is gluten free.**

 


End file.
